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Even more Y2k Humor
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And the winner of the last Duh-2000 contest is fittingly enough:
Our man John Koskinen, chairman of the
President's Council on Year 2000 Conversion: "Hopefully those people
[malicious hackers] will recognize we're going to have enough things going
on that [New Year's] weekend that this will not be a particularly good
weekend to demonstrate the need for more information security. ... If you
want to, in fact, make those points, my hope is (you'll) make them the
following weekend."
So, watch out for stupid hacker tricks on January 7th and
8th. And by the way, contrary to popular e-mails, neither "ElfBowl"
nor "Frogapult"
contain a Y2k virus. Quoted on Yahoo News/Reuters U.S.
to Computer Hackers: Give U.S. a Y2K Break December 14, 1999.
Submitted first by Dan Morrill.
Click here to see the prior winners** and previous nominees
Bonus! Click here for the First Annual Duh-2000 Awards!
And Now, On To The Final Contest's Candidates (the official list, in no particular order):
FCC Commissioner Michael Powell, warning
people to refrain from making a telephone call around midnight of Jan. 1,
2000, just to see if the phone works: "This is not a Y2K crisis. This
is Mother's Day on Viagra."
Now *there's* a disturbing mental image. Quoted on
Computer Currents.com Telecom
Y2K Problem December 29, 1999. Submitted by Christine Greenwald.
Nicholas West, spokesman for credit card
swipe machine maker Racal Electronics, on a recent failure: "It is a
software time- and date-related issue, which will be resolved, and we're
entirely confident that terminals will revert to full functionality at the
start of the new year" ... "We would describe it as not
necessarily a millennium-, but a century-related issue ...I wouldn't
describe it as a Y2K bug, but it's very difficult trying to convince
someone that it isn't."
"Spin" is everything these days. Quoted on
CNET News.com/Reuters Date-change
software bug delays U.K. shoppers December 29, 1999. Submitted
by Jeanne M. Viola.
Boonsri Harttalay, operator of a beach
bungalow resort on Ko Ngai island, one hour's boat ride off the coast of
southern Thailand: "My sister warned me not to pick up the phone on
Dec. 31 and Jan. 1 because I can catch germs traveling through the line.
... Better to be on the safe side. I've also heard we might not see the
sun or the moon on those two days."
Well of course not, if you're hiding in a bunker!
Quoted on Yahoo News/AP Y2K
a Mystery in Southeast Asia December 29, 1999. Submitted by
Linda Fitzpatrick.
Philip Hoag, the author of the book No
Such Thing as Doomsday: "Look at the last three Mars missions.
... We got an infinite supply of the best minds and we had three failed
Mars missions. Compared to Y2K, is it realistic to believe everything will
go without a hitch?"
Without a hitch, no. Without the end of the world as
we know it, yes. Quoted on Yahoo News/APBnews.com Riding
Out Y2K -- in Bunkers and Missile Silos December 28, 1999.
Submitted by Linda Fitzpatrick.
An unnamed representative of the water company in Rome: "We had no
problem in the transition from BC to AD, why should we have any problem
moving from Y1K to Y2K?"
Yeah, but it took 1000 years to move from Y1k to Y2k.
Maybe we can move on to Y3k faster. An audio quote from about 4:40
into NPR's Morning Edition Show Italy's
Y2K Worries December 14, 1999. Submitted by Alfredo Colon.
Strategic Missile Forces chief Col. Gen. Vladimir
Yakovlev: "Today one can confidently declare that the software
of the force ... is absolutely ready for the year 2000."
Use the force, Luke! Quoted on Yahoo News/AP Russia
Missile Forces Pass Y2K Test December 28, 1999. Submitted by Linda
Fitzpatrick.
And now the the unofficial list:
all those other entries whose sources couldn't be verified, but we liked anyway
I live in Rio de Janeiro and sometimes strike up conversations with
visiting tourists. On one such occasion, I was asked what I thought of the
Y2K situation in Brazil, I responded that I had read that most of the
major interests felt that they were on top of the situation, but that
things will break down with the smaller concerns and "mom and
pop" shops. His response was, "I guess the underground economy
will be hit pretty hard." I just gently said that I thought the
underground economy operated mostly on cash and that their computer
systems probably weren't very complex. Maybe in New York, they have a much
more sophisticated criminal system.
You know you are an advanced civilization when your
underground economy depends on computer technology. Submitted by
Dave Sommer.
Well...of course it's never been quoted online...so I can't enter the
official contest. But here's the mentality of the record store I
used to work at that "couldn't be bothered to update the registers
for Y2K compliance". I mentioned one day that we couldn't
accept credit cards that were dated January 2000 expiry date and after.
I was told "Oh it's okay. As soon as January 1st rolls
around...our registers will accept them again, because it'll think that
the credit cards are 1902, not 2002." Now that's forward thinking if
I ever heard it...
Submitted by Suzanne Parm.
Early this year one of our major customers sent us a booklet containing
information about the Y2K project. Stuck to the booklet was a desk
clock which indicated the time left until January 1. 2000. The clock went
dead in the middle of November!
Perhaps the battery wasn't Y2k compliant. Submitted
by Ragnar Torfi Geirsson.
I can't submit this to your contest because it was overheard at Safeway
grocery store. A lady customer was talking with the checkout girl as
she was ringing up thirty (no kidding) frozen T.V. dinners ...
"I got these in case we have problems with Y2K." What a
"Duh!"
Yep. She could have a gas-powered oven, we suppose, but
probably doesn't have a gas-powered TV. Submitted by Pandora
Deichert.
*And a NEW contest soon. Meanwhile, if you find more funny Y2k-related quotes (or stories), e-mail the quote and a URL for the reference to contest@duh-2000.com. Without a URL reference, the entry can only be considered for the Unofficial list. For the complete set of rules (there are rules!?) see the rules page here. Feel free to drop us a line at the above address if you have comments or suggestions. We'll feel free to take them to heart or ignore them, depending on how silly they are.
**The person who submits the winning quote each month will receive a free six-pack of HeaterMeals: precooked & sealed shelf-stable entrees that heat themselves in their own box, without flame or electricity. Tasty and useful, even if the power stays on January 1, 2000! The winner will also receive an "exploding bug" t-shirt from www.y2kdoom.com. Oh, and we'll throw in a free copy of the Duh-2000 Book while we're at it!
Visit their web site at www.heatermeals.com
Visit their web site at www.y2kdoom.com