Welcome to Duh-2000 (for a few more days, anyway)
Tracking the stupidest things said about the Year 2000 problem*

Look out below


The Guru Gap Archives
Even more Y2k Humor 

Manufacturers of quality humor products since . . . a while back

featuregnome-256.gif (7996 bytes)

featuredmouth.jpg (5045 bytes)

Check out our review.


The Guru Gap by Ken Orr
Guru Gap

Order a signed, souvenir copy of the Duh-2000 book
(at a bargain close-out price!)

Take our poll: Did the Y2k bug turn out to be what you thought it would?

Vote In Our Poll!

Current Poll Results!

And the winner of the last Duh-2000 contest is fittingly enough:

Our man John Koskinen, chairman of the President's Council on Year 2000 Conversion: "Hopefully those people [malicious hackers] will recognize we're going to have enough things going on that [New Year's] weekend that this will not be a particularly good weekend to demonstrate the need for more information security. ... If you want to, in fact, make those points, my hope is (you'll) make them the following weekend."
So, watch out for stupid hacker tricks on January 7th and 8th.  And by the way, contrary to popular e-mails, neither "ElfBowl" nor "Frogapult" contain a Y2k virus.  Quoted on Yahoo News/Reuters U.S. to Computer Hackers: Give U.S. a Y2K Break December 14, 1999.  Submitted first by Dan Morrill.

Click here to see the prior winners** and previous nominees

Bonus!  Click here for the First Annual Duh-2000 Awards!

bombright.gif (11839 bytes)

And Now, On To The Final Contest's Candidates (the official list, in no particular order):

FCC Commissioner Michael Powell, warning people to refrain from making a telephone call around midnight of Jan. 1, 2000, just to see if the phone works: "This is not a Y2K crisis. This is Mother's Day on Viagra."
Now *there's* a disturbing mental image.  Quoted on Computer Currents.com Telecom Y2K Problem December 29, 1999.  Submitted by Christine Greenwald.

Nicholas West, spokesman for credit card swipe machine maker Racal Electronics, on a recent failure: "It is a software time- and date-related issue, which will be resolved, and we're entirely confident that terminals will revert to full functionality at the start of the new year" ... "We would describe it as not necessarily a millennium-, but a century-related issue ...I wouldn't describe it as a Y2K bug, but it's very difficult trying to convince someone that it isn't."
"Spin" is everything these days.  Quoted on CNET News.com/Reuters Date-change software bug delays U.K. shoppers December 29, 1999.  Submitted by Jeanne M. Viola.

Boonsri Harttalay, operator of a beach bungalow resort on Ko Ngai island, one hour's boat ride off the coast of southern Thailand: "My sister warned me not to pick up the phone on Dec. 31 and Jan. 1 because I can catch germs traveling through the line. ... Better to be on the safe side. I've also heard we might not see the sun or the moon on those two days."
Well of course not, if you're hiding in a bunker!  Quoted on Yahoo News/AP Y2K a Mystery in Southeast Asia December 29, 1999.  Submitted by Linda Fitzpatrick.

Philip Hoag, the author of the book No Such Thing as Doomsday: "Look at the last three Mars missions. ... We got an infinite supply of the best minds and we had three failed Mars missions. Compared to Y2K, is it realistic to believe everything will go without a hitch?"
Without a hitch, no.  Without the end of the world as we know it, yes.  Quoted on Yahoo News/APBnews.com Riding Out Y2K -- in Bunkers and Missile Silos December 28, 1999.  Submitted by Linda Fitzpatrick.

An unnamed representative of the water company in Rome: "We had no problem in the transition from BC to AD, why should we have any problem moving from Y1K to Y2K?"
Yeah, but it took 1000 years to move from Y1k to Y2k.  Maybe we can move on to Y3k faster.  An audio quote from about 4:40 into NPR's Morning Edition Show Italy's Y2K Worries December 14, 1999.  Submitted by Alfredo Colon.

Strategic Missile Forces chief Col. Gen. Vladimir Yakovlev: "Today one can confidently declare that the software of the force ... is absolutely ready for the year 2000."
Use the force, Luke!  Quoted on Yahoo News/AP Russia Missile Forces Pass Y2K Test December 28, 1999.  Submitted by Linda Fitzpatrick.

And now the the unofficial list:
all those other entries whose sources couldn't be verified, but we liked anyway

I live in Rio de Janeiro and sometimes strike up conversations with visiting tourists. On one such occasion, I was asked what I thought of the Y2K situation in Brazil, I responded that I had read that most of the major interests felt that they were on top of the situation, but that things will break down with the smaller concerns and "mom and pop" shops. His response was, "I guess the underground economy will be hit pretty hard." I just gently said that I thought the underground economy operated mostly on cash and that their computer systems probably weren't very complex. Maybe in New York, they have a much more sophisticated criminal system.
You know you are an advanced civilization when your underground economy depends on computer technology.  Submitted by Dave Sommer.

Well...of course it's never been quoted online...so I can't enter the official contest.  But here's the mentality of the record store I used to work at that "couldn't be bothered to update the registers for Y2K compliance".  I mentioned one day that we couldn't accept credit cards that were dated January 2000 expiry date and after.  I was told "Oh it's okay.  As soon as January 1st rolls around...our registers will accept them again, because it'll think that the credit cards are 1902, not 2002." Now that's forward thinking if I ever heard it... 
Submitted by Suzanne Parm.

Early this year one of our major customers sent us a booklet containing information about the Y2K project.  Stuck to the booklet was a desk clock which indicated the time left until January 1. 2000. The clock went dead in the middle of November!
Perhaps the battery wasn't Y2k compliant.  Submitted by Ragnar Torfi Geirsson.

I can't submit this to your contest because it was overheard at Safeway grocery store.  A lady customer was talking with the checkout girl as she was ringing up thirty (no kidding) frozen T.V. dinners ...  "I got these in case we have problems with Y2K."  What a "Duh!" 
Yep. She could have a gas-powered oven, we suppose, but probably doesn't have a gas-powered TV.  Submitted by Pandora Deichert.

*And a NEW contest soon.  Meanwhile, if you find more funny Y2k-related quotes (or stories), e-mail the quote and a URL for the reference to contest@duh-2000.com. Without a URL reference, the entry can only be considered for the Unofficial list. For the complete set of rules (there are rules!?) see the rules page here.  Feel free to drop us a line at the above address if you have comments or suggestions.  We'll feel free to take them to heart or ignore them, depending on how silly they are.

**The person who submits the winning quote each month will receive a free six-pack of HeaterMeals: precooked & sealed shelf-stable entrees that heat themselves in their own box, without flame or electricity.   Tasty and useful, even if the power stays on January 1, 2000!  The winner will also receive an "exploding bug" t-shirt from www.y2kdoom.com.  Oh, and we'll throw in a free copy of the Duh-2000 Book while we're at it!

heatermeals.gif (14659 bytes)
Visit their web site at www.heatermeals.com

Visit their web site at www.y2kdoom.com 

This web site and all material contained herein is Copyright 1998, 1999 The Ken Orr Institute. All Rights Reserved. The opinions expressed here are necessarily the opinions of the staff and management of The Ken Orr Institute.  Any resemblance to any actual persons living or dead is purely intentional.  No animals were harmed in the creation of this website, except for a small and reasonably insignificant squirrel that annoyed us at just the wrong instant.  Elvis has left the building.  Keep in mind that links to current news items change at the drop of a hat, so don't be surprised if the quote turns up 404 (internet-speak for "we're sorry, but that number has been disconnected or is no longer in service").